So, I haven't written in a while. It's been crazy around here. Things have not slowed down with Isaiah at all and life doesn't seem to slow down either!
OK, so two Wednesdays ago I received a call at 9:30 in the morning to be at the hospital at 1pm that afternoon to get Isaiah's chait tube put in. The thing was that I also had an appointment set up to find out the damage I had done to my ankle just before leaving the hospital earlier this month. So, I was able to rush over there and find out that I had bruised my bones and that was why it's been hurting so badly. Fortunately, I didn't fracture anything, though!!! Then, from there I had to rush to the hospital for Isaiah and since I had the other appointment, I didn't have time to drop Isabella and Jeremiah off with anyone and Isaiah wasn't allowed to eat, so I had to sneak a couple of little snacks to Isabella and Jeremiah, so they didn't start screaming. Those of you who have children know that those little snacks didn't save me from anything!!!! Isabella and Jeremiah argued over everything! They were so crabby and what's funny is the fact that the one person that hadn't eaten anything was the only one that was quiet!!!! Isaiah didn't complain about anything! Well, with the other two complaining, every minute that passed felt like a hour! Finally, Isaiah was taken and I was able to take the other two to the cafeteria for some horrible pizza and cookies. I will tell you, though, it was so nice to sit there with the two of them and eat lunch. It's so awesome how they can make me smile and laugh even when I just want to cry. Their smiles and laughs really must be God's way of helping me forget how frustrating everything is.
Anyway, everything went fine in his surgery, but that night the tube kept trying to come out!!! I had to go to his doctor's office the next day and found out the doctor that did the procedure had put the WRONG tube in!!!! So, last Tuesday night I received another call to be at the hospital Wednesday morning to replace the tube. What was great was everything went well, but then AGAIN last night the tube started coming out AGAIN!!!!!!!! I will tell you that I have decided that chait tubes SUCK!!!! So, I've put a call into the doc and am now waiting to hear what he says this time.
Also, the mitrofinoff is still leaking like nobody's business and Isaiah has ANOTHER procedure set up for next Tuesday. The doc is going to put a sugar compound in to see if it will tighten the tube, so it will stop leaking, but he did explain that it's only a temporary fix. So, basically we are just trying to push off the huge, inevitable surgery as long as we can. You see, Isaiah apparently has to get a bladder augmentation (as well as redoing the mitrofinoff and MACE) and after studying up on it some, I found that doctors usually try to avoid doing it on small children, b/c basically what they are doing is cutting a hole in the bladder and putting a "patch" on it to enlarge it. Since the child is going to grow it raises the risk of the patch tearing away and causing really bad infections that can also be fatal. So, yeah, I'm kind of o.k. with the temporary fix!
A lot of people have said that they are amazed at how I can stay positive in all of this. Please understand that there have been a TON of tears shed, but the thing is that when you walk with Jesus Christ, He gives you peace to know that He's got the big picture taken care of. All I have to do is take Isaiah to the doctor visits and surgeries. The doctor's may be there, but God is the One in control. He's taking very good care of Isaiah and loves him more than I ever could. So, yeah, I'm still human and yeah, it DEFINITELY hurts to watch and go through, but I can have joy, b/c I have peace in Christ!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
When I was single I went through some drama that I ate my way out of. I got up to 225 pounds. I started walking and was able to lose 50 pounds. It was so great! It was so simple, you know? If I felt like working out, I would change clothes, put my sneakers on and just go walking!
Then, I met and married my husband and 3 months later got pregnant with Isaiah and gained every last drop back. Since having Isaiah I have tried to get the weight back off, but I kept getting pregnant! Finally, when I had Jeremiah, I knew I could FINALLY get this done! So, I got a membership at a gym nearby and started working out at 5am, that got old and I quit that. Then, I started doing the p90x and have only made it 3 weeks. Then, Jeremiah finally got old enough to go into the childcare at the gym, so I started going to an aerobics class in the mornings, but then found out that the childcare setup was quite idiotic. Then, I dieted and so on and so on.
I was so jazzed, b/c I started out at 230 pounds and got down to 200!!! Then, this year hit. I have been so stressed out, exhausted and worn out from hospital stays. And, as I said, I eat my way through drama, so I have gained most of that weight back. It's become so frustrating that I keep trying to fight off the urge to just give up. Here's the thing, though, on December 27, 2002 I had to watch my father dying in front of me from a heart attack. He made it through, but that was the first time I found out what it meant for someone's eyes to become sunken. B/c of that experience, I decided that I don't want my children to have to ever go through that. UGH! Losing weight SUCKS!!!!!
Man, liposuction is looking better and better!!!!
Then, I met and married my husband and 3 months later got pregnant with Isaiah and gained every last drop back. Since having Isaiah I have tried to get the weight back off, but I kept getting pregnant! Finally, when I had Jeremiah, I knew I could FINALLY get this done! So, I got a membership at a gym nearby and started working out at 5am, that got old and I quit that. Then, I started doing the p90x and have only made it 3 weeks. Then, Jeremiah finally got old enough to go into the childcare at the gym, so I started going to an aerobics class in the mornings, but then found out that the childcare setup was quite idiotic. Then, I dieted and so on and so on.
I was so jazzed, b/c I started out at 230 pounds and got down to 200!!! Then, this year hit. I have been so stressed out, exhausted and worn out from hospital stays. And, as I said, I eat my way through drama, so I have gained most of that weight back. It's become so frustrating that I keep trying to fight off the urge to just give up. Here's the thing, though, on December 27, 2002 I had to watch my father dying in front of me from a heart attack. He made it through, but that was the first time I found out what it meant for someone's eyes to become sunken. B/c of that experience, I decided that I don't want my children to have to ever go through that. UGH! Losing weight SUCKS!!!!!
Man, liposuction is looking better and better!!!!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I am NOT forgotten!
So, been off a couple of days. It's been crazy trying to get back into the groove of things! Especially, since we still haven't really finished everything we were in the hospital for. So, you know that the mitrofinoff (the tube to the bladder) is still leaking like crazy. I've been thinking the urologist was being kind of lazy, which seemed kind of weird for him, but then he had us come in during his lunch to try to address the issue. When we were there he finally explained what was going on:
The reason Isaiah's mitrofinoff is leaking is because when he had to put a Foley in (a catheter that has a little water balloon at the end to keep it from coming out) he accidentally put it too far, which isn't hard to do, and ended up going into the mitrofinoff and expanded the balloon in the mitrofinoff (which I knew, b/c he told me when it happened). That means that he accidentally expanded the balloon in the small tube that only a small catheter could fit in and now it's stretched out. So, he is hoping that it will contract back down on it's own, b/c if it doesn't surgery will be required. He explained to me that if it doesn't fix itself it means that he will have to redo the surgery and at that time he will just do everything over again, the mitrofinoff, the MACE and now he will do a bladder augmentation as well, b/c either the mitrofinoff is messed up beyond repair and/or his bladder is too rigid to hold his urine.
Now, it seems like, although it still sucks for Isaiah, that it would at least fix things, but here's the thing: a few months ago we had talked about doing a bladder augmentation and so I researched what that meant. I didn't like what I found. A bladder augmentation will be the biggest surgery by far that Isaiah will have ever had to go through. It is also that riskiest, by far. And if I remember correctly, it will mean that Isaiah will be in surgery for about eight hours! To give you an idea, my c-sections took about 30 minutes to an hour, Isaiah's shunt revisions and replacements took (at the most) two hours, the mace and mitrofinoff took about two to three hours when done at the same time.
But, the length of the surgery isn't what bugs me, it's the risks involved that scare me. See, if this doesn't go perfectly the first time, which I have yet to see a surgery on him that has, the complications could range anywhere from an infection to a ruptured bladder and that last one just doesn't sound nice at all! The last time it was on the table as a possibility, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, when it was decided against. And now it's like BAM! Right back there again!
Honestly, and I'm sure some Christians out there may be thinking "NO! We don't tell anyone about the hard side of Christianity, b/c it may turn people away!", but it's times like this that make it so hard to believe that God hasn't forgotten Isaiah. Now, some people may turn away thinking that God shouldn't allow things like this to happen, but I refuse to punk out on God just b/c He's not giving me what I want, how I want it and when I want it! You see, this sucks, I am NOT gonna lie to you about that! Ever since having Isaiah, it has felt like an uphill battle, BUT! And that's a HUGE but (*trying not to snicker at that one!*), God has blessed me so much with Isaiah, too! I mean, that little boy has a laugh that I have never heard before in a child, that - ask anyone! - you cannot help but laugh, too! He's got this demeanor of peace that spreads everywhere he goes. He gives these hugs that, even though his arms don't work like everyone elses, makes you feel so loved and like there is nothing better out there than to be lucky enough to be the receiver of this affection!
You see? Just because I am a Christian, doesn't mean that I am immune to tough times and when I hit those tough times, it doesn't mean that God has forgotten me. See, although it sucks while you are going through the tough times, those hardships and the drama are making you a stronger person. They are also giving you an awesome opportunity to show off God's glory, by praising Him all the way through it. I mean, there have been times that I have had to ask my church family to help me keep my hands raised during it, but I can't give up! I know what it was like to walk without God's blessings and His joy. I don't want to go back there again, even if it means that I have to watch my son go through yet another surgery.
Please know that God has never and will never leave you hanging. Even though it may seem like He is nowhere near your situation, He is. Although, it's hard to believe sometimes, I know that, not only is He catching every tear that I cry, He is also crying right along with me, b/c even though I love Isaiah more than I can explain, He loves him a million times more than I ever could. And, like me, He wants the very best, not only for Isaiah, but for me as well.
The reason Isaiah's mitrofinoff is leaking is because when he had to put a Foley in (a catheter that has a little water balloon at the end to keep it from coming out) he accidentally put it too far, which isn't hard to do, and ended up going into the mitrofinoff and expanded the balloon in the mitrofinoff (which I knew, b/c he told me when it happened). That means that he accidentally expanded the balloon in the small tube that only a small catheter could fit in and now it's stretched out. So, he is hoping that it will contract back down on it's own, b/c if it doesn't surgery will be required. He explained to me that if it doesn't fix itself it means that he will have to redo the surgery and at that time he will just do everything over again, the mitrofinoff, the MACE and now he will do a bladder augmentation as well, b/c either the mitrofinoff is messed up beyond repair and/or his bladder is too rigid to hold his urine.
Now, it seems like, although it still sucks for Isaiah, that it would at least fix things, but here's the thing: a few months ago we had talked about doing a bladder augmentation and so I researched what that meant. I didn't like what I found. A bladder augmentation will be the biggest surgery by far that Isaiah will have ever had to go through. It is also that riskiest, by far. And if I remember correctly, it will mean that Isaiah will be in surgery for about eight hours! To give you an idea, my c-sections took about 30 minutes to an hour, Isaiah's shunt revisions and replacements took (at the most) two hours, the mace and mitrofinoff took about two to three hours when done at the same time.
But, the length of the surgery isn't what bugs me, it's the risks involved that scare me. See, if this doesn't go perfectly the first time, which I have yet to see a surgery on him that has, the complications could range anywhere from an infection to a ruptured bladder and that last one just doesn't sound nice at all! The last time it was on the table as a possibility, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, when it was decided against. And now it's like BAM! Right back there again!
Honestly, and I'm sure some Christians out there may be thinking "NO! We don't tell anyone about the hard side of Christianity, b/c it may turn people away!", but it's times like this that make it so hard to believe that God hasn't forgotten Isaiah. Now, some people may turn away thinking that God shouldn't allow things like this to happen, but I refuse to punk out on God just b/c He's not giving me what I want, how I want it and when I want it! You see, this sucks, I am NOT gonna lie to you about that! Ever since having Isaiah, it has felt like an uphill battle, BUT! And that's a HUGE but (*trying not to snicker at that one!*), God has blessed me so much with Isaiah, too! I mean, that little boy has a laugh that I have never heard before in a child, that - ask anyone! - you cannot help but laugh, too! He's got this demeanor of peace that spreads everywhere he goes. He gives these hugs that, even though his arms don't work like everyone elses, makes you feel so loved and like there is nothing better out there than to be lucky enough to be the receiver of this affection!
You see? Just because I am a Christian, doesn't mean that I am immune to tough times and when I hit those tough times, it doesn't mean that God has forgotten me. See, although it sucks while you are going through the tough times, those hardships and the drama are making you a stronger person. They are also giving you an awesome opportunity to show off God's glory, by praising Him all the way through it. I mean, there have been times that I have had to ask my church family to help me keep my hands raised during it, but I can't give up! I know what it was like to walk without God's blessings and His joy. I don't want to go back there again, even if it means that I have to watch my son go through yet another surgery.
Please know that God has never and will never leave you hanging. Even though it may seem like He is nowhere near your situation, He is. Although, it's hard to believe sometimes, I know that, not only is He catching every tear that I cry, He is also crying right along with me, b/c even though I love Isaiah more than I can explain, He loves him a million times more than I ever could. And, like me, He wants the very best, not only for Isaiah, but for me as well.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Focus, Focus, Focus!
So, this morning Jeremiah had a his two year check up and it was so weird going to a doctor appointment that had nothing to do with Isaiah. I think Isaiah started getting a little concerned about the appointment, b/c Jeremiah had to get shots and when the nurse came in with the tray of needles, Isaiah started crying! It was hilarious and sad at the same time that he's so used to being in the hospitals and doctor's offices and getting poked and prodded so much that he automatically assumes that any time we are there, it's for him. I will tell you that I think I caught a glimpse of him breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the nurse turn towards Jeremiah. Jeremiah on the other hand, did NOT fare so well! He had to take FOUR shots!
It was funny though, b/c I'm so used to taking them to the doctor's offices and dealing with the loud chaos that ensues in the tiny little room that when I had to take a friends child in with me, that I was babysitting, I realized just how crazy it gets, b/c she kept covering her ears and looking for a happy place! It was funny, but she is an only child. So, any loud chaos that's going to be had, would be brought by her. It was just funny to me watching her sitting there trying so hard to find the one spot, in that tiny room, that had that small breath of peace and quiet! Welp! Welcome to the world of three children! LOL!
After all was said and done there, we picked up a friend of mine and took off to the mall. What's funny is that I hate going to the mall, but whenever I go anywhere I have to weigh the costs of loading whether or not it's worth the trouble of loading and unloading Isaiah and his wheelchair. It's sad, but a lot of trips get rejected, if they can't offer something really stinkin awesome or at least something really needed!
Anyway, so we were at the mall and we took the kids to the play area over there and it kind of stunk, b/c Jeremiah and Isabella were having an awesome time climbing in, on, and around everything and all Isaiah could do was watch from his wheelchair. I know that his perspective may not be the same as mine, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch, you know? I mean, we got a jogging stroller to take Isaiah through trails and into parks, we got him a trailer that could be pulled by our bicycles, and we got him a wagon to be able to go everywhere in between, but it's frustrating to know that it's still not the same! Think about it, when you get on a swing, you don't need anyone's help to get you swinging on it, his legs don't work. I mean, he had to get therapy just to be able to lift his head up. Isabella and Jeremiah were able to do that almost immediately after being born.
It's frustrating, sometimes, b/c I want to make EVERYTHING work for him, you know? I want to get a house that is all flat, that he can take his wheelchair everywhere. I want a yard that's flat, so he can go outside with Isabella and Jeremiah without running the risk of flying down the hill to certain calamity. Here's the thing, though...God said that if I seek HIS kingdom first, meaning if I seek first what His will is and I make His will my highest priority, He will take care of EVERYTHING else! So, if I just keep my focus on Him, then He will take care of EVERYTHING Isaiah needs, wants, everything! See, cuz no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, no matter how many hours I spend stressing, no matter how clearly I lay out any plans, God knows what is the very BEST for Isaiah. Ahhhhh....that really takes a load off!
It was funny though, b/c I'm so used to taking them to the doctor's offices and dealing with the loud chaos that ensues in the tiny little room that when I had to take a friends child in with me, that I was babysitting, I realized just how crazy it gets, b/c she kept covering her ears and looking for a happy place! It was funny, but she is an only child. So, any loud chaos that's going to be had, would be brought by her. It was just funny to me watching her sitting there trying so hard to find the one spot, in that tiny room, that had that small breath of peace and quiet! Welp! Welcome to the world of three children! LOL!
After all was said and done there, we picked up a friend of mine and took off to the mall. What's funny is that I hate going to the mall, but whenever I go anywhere I have to weigh the costs of loading whether or not it's worth the trouble of loading and unloading Isaiah and his wheelchair. It's sad, but a lot of trips get rejected, if they can't offer something really stinkin awesome or at least something really needed!
Anyway, so we were at the mall and we took the kids to the play area over there and it kind of stunk, b/c Jeremiah and Isabella were having an awesome time climbing in, on, and around everything and all Isaiah could do was watch from his wheelchair. I know that his perspective may not be the same as mine, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch, you know? I mean, we got a jogging stroller to take Isaiah through trails and into parks, we got him a trailer that could be pulled by our bicycles, and we got him a wagon to be able to go everywhere in between, but it's frustrating to know that it's still not the same! Think about it, when you get on a swing, you don't need anyone's help to get you swinging on it, his legs don't work. I mean, he had to get therapy just to be able to lift his head up. Isabella and Jeremiah were able to do that almost immediately after being born.
It's frustrating, sometimes, b/c I want to make EVERYTHING work for him, you know? I want to get a house that is all flat, that he can take his wheelchair everywhere. I want a yard that's flat, so he can go outside with Isabella and Jeremiah without running the risk of flying down the hill to certain calamity. Here's the thing, though...God said that if I seek HIS kingdom first, meaning if I seek first what His will is and I make His will my highest priority, He will take care of EVERYTHING else! So, if I just keep my focus on Him, then He will take care of EVERYTHING Isaiah needs, wants, everything! See, cuz no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, no matter how many hours I spend stressing, no matter how clearly I lay out any plans, God knows what is the very BEST for Isaiah. Ahhhhh....that really takes a load off!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thought it would be over...Silly me!
OK, so we are home and all and that's all gravy. Here's the thing, though: Isaiah is now peeing through his belly (his mitrofinoff - the tube that was created for us to catheterize his bladder) so much so that we have to wrap a diaper around him now!
I was thinking, when we had gotten home, that when we went out people would see the staples in his head, which isn't embarrassing or anything, but I'm sure it's a bit disconcerting when you don't know what's going on. But, it IS a little embarrassing that his shirt keeps coming up and showing our ghetto rigged diaper wrapped around his belly and actually being able to see that it's filling up!!!
UGH!!!! he has a surgery coming up in the next week or so to fix the MACE, but every time I try to show his doctor that he's leaking through that thing, IT STOPS LEAKING!!!!! It's so infuriating! You know how your car starts driving weird or making a weird sound or your computer keeps acting up? Doesn't it ALWAYS happen that whatever it is stops happening AS SOON as the specialist looks at it?!?!?! Then, when they leave, what happens? IT STARTS UP AGAIN!!!!! It's like, it wants you to look like you have LOST YOUR MIND!!!!
So! I texted him a picture of Isaiah's clothes, bed and belly diaper!!! HA! ARGUE WITH THAT!!!! Oops! 10.....9....8.....7..6..5.4,3,2,1....Okay, calm again.
I was thinking, when we had gotten home, that when we went out people would see the staples in his head, which isn't embarrassing or anything, but I'm sure it's a bit disconcerting when you don't know what's going on. But, it IS a little embarrassing that his shirt keeps coming up and showing our ghetto rigged diaper wrapped around his belly and actually being able to see that it's filling up!!!
UGH!!!! he has a surgery coming up in the next week or so to fix the MACE, but every time I try to show his doctor that he's leaking through that thing, IT STOPS LEAKING!!!!! It's so infuriating! You know how your car starts driving weird or making a weird sound or your computer keeps acting up? Doesn't it ALWAYS happen that whatever it is stops happening AS SOON as the specialist looks at it?!?!?! Then, when they leave, what happens? IT STARTS UP AGAIN!!!!! It's like, it wants you to look like you have LOST YOUR MIND!!!!
So! I texted him a picture of Isaiah's clothes, bed and belly diaper!!! HA! ARGUE WITH THAT!!!! Oops! 10.....9....8.....7..6..5.4,3,2,1....Okay, calm again.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
HOME, SWEET, HOME!
Ok, so I found out last week that we would be going home this past weekend! Sorry, for not telling but some people read this that may have let it slip out to my husband and I was going to try to surprise him!
So, we had found out that we were going to possibly go home early this week. Kind of a bummer, but it put an end in sight, so I would take it. Then, I was told that Isaiah would be able to come off of the antibiotics as early as Saturday. I didn't want to get too excited about what that may mean, so I kind of smiled and nodded. On Friday, though, I asked the Infectious Diseases doctor to clarify what that meant. He told me that as far as he went Isaiah could go home Saturday!!!! Now, he's the one that had been holding us up on the surgery for EVER, so this is BIG news!
Well, he explained to me that as far as the infections that were going on, he felt safe to end all of the antibiotic treatments the day after Isaiah had his surgery to put his shunt back in. So, I spoke to the neurosurgeon who told me that, because of the drama that had been going on in Isaiah's belly, he didn't feel comfortable putting the shunt back in there for a while. So, he was going to move forward with putting it in Isaiah's heart (OMGOSH!!!! That may not sound like a big deal to doctor's and nurses, but I tell you what! That still sounds scary to me!!!) So, anyway Isaiah had his surgery on Friday.
He finally went in at 4pm, he was supposed to be back to me at about 6, but at that time I received a phone call from the neurologist saying that things didn't go as smoothly as he had expected, but that Isaiah was fine and would be coming up in about 15 minutes. I tell you what, those 15 minutes felt like a lifetime. Then, they became a lifetime! About 45 minutes later I received a call from a nurse letting me know that Isaiah wasn't coming out of anesthesia too well, so they had him on some oxygen and they would have him up in another 15 minutes. HALF AN HOUR LATER they FINALLY showed up with him!
As many surgeries as he has had and as many times as I have seen my little boy returned to me with staples in his head (the first time being when he was only two weeks old), it still breaks my heart. He just looked so sad. I just wish I could take it all away from him, you know?
Then, Saturday morning came and his neurosurgeon decided that since the surgery didn't go so smoothly, he wanted to keep an extra day. I was kinda bummed, but if he didn't feel good about it, then I guess we were staying. As the day grew on, though, Isaiah started getting so much better! He was laughing and smiling and everything! He was eating and able to hold everything down! So, let me tell you! Sunday morning came and I was rushing EVERYBODY! What was frustrating was Richard was starting to get antsy and I was trying so hard to not to spill the beans that we were coming home, which is SO hard, since I hate lying to Richard!
Finally, I practically jumped the last doctor that we needed to sign off for Isaiah and we were finally finished! We were finally able to go home! So, in order not have to answer any questions, I text Richard to let him know we were on our way. When we got home, I was hoping to be able to pull into the garage, so Richard would be able to see me get Isaiah out of the truck, but NOPE I had to park in the driveway. So, I just hoped he didn't see, but I had to ring the doorbell, which meant he didn't see anything!!!! Our door, of course, has all that STUPID glass on it! BUT! When Richard opened the door, the look on his face was PRICELESS! Oh, it was so wonderful! Isabella and Jeremiah were SO EXCITED! Richard was shocked! He didn't know what to think. It was the best 4th of July EVER!
So, we had found out that we were going to possibly go home early this week. Kind of a bummer, but it put an end in sight, so I would take it. Then, I was told that Isaiah would be able to come off of the antibiotics as early as Saturday. I didn't want to get too excited about what that may mean, so I kind of smiled and nodded. On Friday, though, I asked the Infectious Diseases doctor to clarify what that meant. He told me that as far as he went Isaiah could go home Saturday!!!! Now, he's the one that had been holding us up on the surgery for EVER, so this is BIG news!
Well, he explained to me that as far as the infections that were going on, he felt safe to end all of the antibiotic treatments the day after Isaiah had his surgery to put his shunt back in. So, I spoke to the neurosurgeon who told me that, because of the drama that had been going on in Isaiah's belly, he didn't feel comfortable putting the shunt back in there for a while. So, he was going to move forward with putting it in Isaiah's heart (OMGOSH!!!! That may not sound like a big deal to doctor's and nurses, but I tell you what! That still sounds scary to me!!!) So, anyway Isaiah had his surgery on Friday.
He finally went in at 4pm, he was supposed to be back to me at about 6, but at that time I received a phone call from the neurologist saying that things didn't go as smoothly as he had expected, but that Isaiah was fine and would be coming up in about 15 minutes. I tell you what, those 15 minutes felt like a lifetime. Then, they became a lifetime! About 45 minutes later I received a call from a nurse letting me know that Isaiah wasn't coming out of anesthesia too well, so they had him on some oxygen and they would have him up in another 15 minutes. HALF AN HOUR LATER they FINALLY showed up with him!
As many surgeries as he has had and as many times as I have seen my little boy returned to me with staples in his head (the first time being when he was only two weeks old), it still breaks my heart. He just looked so sad. I just wish I could take it all away from him, you know?
Then, Saturday morning came and his neurosurgeon decided that since the surgery didn't go so smoothly, he wanted to keep an extra day. I was kinda bummed, but if he didn't feel good about it, then I guess we were staying. As the day grew on, though, Isaiah started getting so much better! He was laughing and smiling and everything! He was eating and able to hold everything down! So, let me tell you! Sunday morning came and I was rushing EVERYBODY! What was frustrating was Richard was starting to get antsy and I was trying so hard to not to spill the beans that we were coming home, which is SO hard, since I hate lying to Richard!
Finally, I practically jumped the last doctor that we needed to sign off for Isaiah and we were finally finished! We were finally able to go home! So, in order not have to answer any questions, I text Richard to let him know we were on our way. When we got home, I was hoping to be able to pull into the garage, so Richard would be able to see me get Isaiah out of the truck, but NOPE I had to park in the driveway. So, I just hoped he didn't see, but I had to ring the doorbell, which meant he didn't see anything!!!! Our door, of course, has all that STUPID glass on it! BUT! When Richard opened the door, the look on his face was PRICELESS! Oh, it was so wonderful! Isabella and Jeremiah were SO EXCITED! Richard was shocked! He didn't know what to think. It was the best 4th of July EVER!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Say What? Anything Can Happen!
OK, so we've been here for almost a month and I'm sittin here thinkin (in faith, mind you) that CERTAINLY God has a reason behind this!!! So, tonight at least part of the reason came to me!
Isaiah and I have been chillin in the room for forever and the tech comes in and starts talking to me. We started talking and it turned out that she wasn't even assigned to Isaiah. She came looking for us, b/c she wanted what I have! Here I am trying to keep reminding myself that surely God has something He's trying to get done here, but I figured that I either missed it or that I just wasn't supposed to see what He was trying to do, b/c you know that sometimes what He's doing is not meant for us to see.
It turns out that she'd been watching me and felt that there was something different about me and that she knew that I was a Christian. It reminds me of the story in the Bible when Jesus made the tree shrivel up, b/c it didn't have any fruit when He was hungry. See, that tree didn't have any fruit, b/c it was out of season. That story showed me that we are supposed to be ready all the time, not just when things are going just right for us (in season). We are supposed to be ready out of season as well and that's when times are getting tough, when it's hard to see God's hand anywhere, cuz you never know when someone is watching. For instance, some people who are very close to me were going to have their first baby, but only a few months into the pregnancy they found out that there was no heart beat and that the baby was severely deformed. It was such a hard time for them, but they continued going to church and praising God throughout that time. Now, they may have never even seen the fruit of their reaction to their situation, but I had people coming to me that I didn't even know telling me how it blessed and encouraged them to know that they can make it through whatever they were dealing with, b/c they saw my friends making it through their rough time.
It's not easy going through the crap that comes with life, but there is truly always a purpose for it, whether or not we see it. It's hard to see it at the time - believe me! There have been plenty of times that I have cried and asked God why my son has to go through all of this, but I promise, He's proven to me over and over again that He's never left or forsaken Isaiah or me! Trust Him, I promise He won't leave you hangin!
Isaiah and I have been chillin in the room for forever and the tech comes in and starts talking to me. We started talking and it turned out that she wasn't even assigned to Isaiah. She came looking for us, b/c she wanted what I have! Here I am trying to keep reminding myself that surely God has something He's trying to get done here, but I figured that I either missed it or that I just wasn't supposed to see what He was trying to do, b/c you know that sometimes what He's doing is not meant for us to see.
It turns out that she'd been watching me and felt that there was something different about me and that she knew that I was a Christian. It reminds me of the story in the Bible when Jesus made the tree shrivel up, b/c it didn't have any fruit when He was hungry. See, that tree didn't have any fruit, b/c it was out of season. That story showed me that we are supposed to be ready all the time, not just when things are going just right for us (in season). We are supposed to be ready out of season as well and that's when times are getting tough, when it's hard to see God's hand anywhere, cuz you never know when someone is watching. For instance, some people who are very close to me were going to have their first baby, but only a few months into the pregnancy they found out that there was no heart beat and that the baby was severely deformed. It was such a hard time for them, but they continued going to church and praising God throughout that time. Now, they may have never even seen the fruit of their reaction to their situation, but I had people coming to me that I didn't even know telling me how it blessed and encouraged them to know that they can make it through whatever they were dealing with, b/c they saw my friends making it through their rough time.
It's not easy going through the crap that comes with life, but there is truly always a purpose for it, whether or not we see it. It's hard to see it at the time - believe me! There have been plenty of times that I have cried and asked God why my son has to go through all of this, but I promise, He's proven to me over and over again that He's never left or forsaken Isaiah or me! Trust Him, I promise He won't leave you hangin!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Lose Control!
So, today has been long, exhausting and fun as well! I think I may have lost my mind! Last night ended with benedryl and you would think that meant long , drugged sleep for me, but NOPE! Isaiah's pulse kept racing, so that kept setting the alarms off and benedryl does NOT drown those things out!!!
Today, his belly got distended again and felt like it was going to explode. Then, he started shaking and his hands and lips started turning blue and all I could think was that even with all of the emotional drama that comes with Isaiah, I like him all to pieces! I don't want to lose him! He's fine now, but it's got me thinking. So, here goes my thought process:
Sometimes, the blessings God gives us aren't always going to seem like that, you know? Like, if God gives you a house, that doesn't mean that the house won't ever give you a run for your money. But, those things that bring you drama, also teach you things that you otherwise wouldn't have gotten, thanks to one of my friends who confirmed this thought process with me.
When Isaiah started getting shaky and everything, I was like "Lord! This would be one of those times that it would REALLY help me if he could talk!" It's so scary when he's going through these things, when he's shaking and having trouble breathing and can't tell me or show me what hurts or what's going on! But, the bible says when I am weak, He is strong. And, it's SO true! Cuz, all I could do at that point was ask the Lord to help me to see and understand.
You see? Sometimes, He has to put us in situations that we can't control, situations that make us rely on Him rather than ourselves. So, He receives the glory. See, when I think I can take care of things on my own, then I don't think I need Him and sometimes, He has to put be back in my place. I don't ever want to be independent! Cuz, I have been there. I did life on my own and it was just a waste. I was empty, alone and my life was completely pointless. Now that I've relinquished that control, I don't want it back. I have tasted the death of an independent life and no, it's not tasty!
Welp, that's it!
Today, his belly got distended again and felt like it was going to explode. Then, he started shaking and his hands and lips started turning blue and all I could think was that even with all of the emotional drama that comes with Isaiah, I like him all to pieces! I don't want to lose him! He's fine now, but it's got me thinking. So, here goes my thought process:
Sometimes, the blessings God gives us aren't always going to seem like that, you know? Like, if God gives you a house, that doesn't mean that the house won't ever give you a run for your money. But, those things that bring you drama, also teach you things that you otherwise wouldn't have gotten, thanks to one of my friends who confirmed this thought process with me.
When Isaiah started getting shaky and everything, I was like "Lord! This would be one of those times that it would REALLY help me if he could talk!" It's so scary when he's going through these things, when he's shaking and having trouble breathing and can't tell me or show me what hurts or what's going on! But, the bible says when I am weak, He is strong. And, it's SO true! Cuz, all I could do at that point was ask the Lord to help me to see and understand.
You see? Sometimes, He has to put us in situations that we can't control, situations that make us rely on Him rather than ourselves. So, He receives the glory. See, when I think I can take care of things on my own, then I don't think I need Him and sometimes, He has to put be back in my place. I don't ever want to be independent! Cuz, I have been there. I did life on my own and it was just a waste. I was empty, alone and my life was completely pointless. Now that I've relinquished that control, I don't want it back. I have tasted the death of an independent life and no, it's not tasty!
Welp, that's it!
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