Lose Control!

So, today has been long, exhausting and fun as well! I think I may have lost my mind! Last night ended with benedryl and you would think that meant long , drugged sleep for me, but NOPE! Isaiah's pulse kept racing, so that kept setting the alarms off and benedryl does NOT drown those things out!!!

Today, his belly got distended again and felt like it was going to explode. Then, he started shaking and his hands and lips started turning blue and all I could think was that even with all of the emotional drama that comes with Isaiah, I like him all to pieces! I don't want to lose him! He's fine now, but it's got me thinking. So, here goes my thought process:

Sometimes, the blessings God gives us aren't always going to seem like that, you know? Like, if God gives you a house, that doesn't mean that the house won't ever give you a run for your money. But, those things that bring you drama, also teach you things that you otherwise wouldn't have gotten, thanks to one of my friends who confirmed this thought process with me.

When Isaiah started getting shaky and everything, I was like "Lord! This would be one of those times that it would REALLY help me if he could talk!" It's so scary when he's going through these things, when he's shaking and having trouble breathing and can't tell me or show me what hurts or what's going on! But, the bible says when I am weak, He is strong. And, it's SO true! Cuz, all I could do at that point was ask the Lord to help me to see and understand.

You see? Sometimes, He has to put us in situations that we can't control, situations that make us rely on Him rather than ourselves. So, He receives the glory. See, when I think I can take care of things on my own, then I don't think I need Him and sometimes, He has to put be back in my place. I don't ever want to be independent! Cuz, I have been there. I did life on my own and it was just a waste. I was empty, alone and my life was completely pointless. Now that I've relinquished that control, I don't want it back. I have tasted the death of an independent life and no, it's not tasty!

Welp, that's it!