It's not about me, It's about Him!

Hey all! So, I've had a few people read this or hear me talk about Isaiah and a lot of them respond with "you are such an AMAZING mom!" Or, "I don't know how you do it!" And it got me thinking...

See, I don't write this blog for sympathy or praise, one of my main reasons is for people to see how AMAZING God is! You see, I'm not an amazing mom, or even a great mom, b/c of what I deal with regarding Isaiah. It's God living in me, it's the fact that Jesus is the Lord of my life and with that comes the blessings of peace, strength, hope and the endurance to push through the trials of having a special needs child.

It may look easy or it may seem like I have it all together, but the reality is that without Jesus I would be slap drunk and overdosing on pain meds to deal with the drama (and don't think those ideas haven't come to mind at times!). This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I mean, I've been through my own drama that only affected me, but now it's my son and I can't do anything about it. On top of that, the doctor basically blamed me for Isaiah having Spina Bifida. So, if I didn't have Jesus, I would have no hope. I would EASILY be able to drown in my sorrows.

Some of you may say, "there she goes, she off in lala land thinking this Jesus thing is real, but all she is doing is using Him as a crutch, instead of dealing with her emotions" or some such thing, but I lived a lot of my life without Him, thinking He didn't care about me or what I did. It was a lonely, hopeless, dark road to death. But when I truly allowed Him to be Lord of my life, He gave me what I needed to live again! And, yes, at one point He was my crutch, b/c there was no way I could stand without Him, but as an awesome friend of mine said in our homegroup, He is now my legs upon which I stand!

When I was faced with the news that I could lose my son, I was immediately overwhelmed with peace, knowing that Isaiah is really God's little boy and if He wanted to take him at that time, then it was for a purpose. You see, every good and perfect gift comes from God and sometimes those gifts may look kind of crummy at first, but it's to grow us into perfection!

So, my hope is that when you read these posts, you (if you know Christ as your Lord and Savior) walk away encouraged to face whatever trails you must face or (if you do not know Jesus as your Lord and Savior) you see the Light at the end of the tunnel that is beckoning you to come to Him, so He can remove the heavy load that you are carrying. He loves you so much. He wants you to be able to praise in the tough times. He wants you to be able to laugh when it looks like there is no reason to! But most of all, He wants to gush all over you with the love of a Father that truly misses His child.