I am NOT forgotten!

So, been off a couple of days. It's been crazy trying to get back into the groove of things! Especially, since we still haven't really finished everything we were in the hospital for. So, you know that the mitrofinoff (the tube to the bladder) is still leaking like crazy. I've been thinking the urologist was being kind of lazy, which seemed kind of weird for him, but then he had us come in during his lunch to try to address the issue. When we were there he finally explained what was going on:

The reason Isaiah's mitrofinoff is leaking is because when he had to put a Foley in (a catheter that has a little water balloon at the end to keep it from coming out) he accidentally put it too far, which isn't hard to do, and ended up going into the mitrofinoff and expanded the balloon in the mitrofinoff (which I knew, b/c he told me when it happened). That means that he accidentally expanded the balloon in the small tube that only a small catheter could fit in and now it's stretched out. So, he is hoping that it will contract back down on it's own, b/c if it doesn't surgery will be required. He explained to me that if it doesn't fix itself it means that he will have to redo the surgery and at that time he will just do everything over again, the mitrofinoff, the MACE and now he will do a bladder augmentation as well, b/c either the mitrofinoff is messed up beyond repair and/or his bladder is too rigid to hold his urine.

Now, it seems like, although it still sucks for Isaiah, that it would at least fix things, but here's the thing: a few months ago we had talked about doing a bladder augmentation and so I researched what that meant. I didn't like what I found. A bladder augmentation will be the biggest surgery by far that Isaiah will have ever had to go through. It is also that riskiest, by far. And if I remember correctly, it will mean that Isaiah will be in surgery for about eight hours! To give you an idea, my c-sections took about 30 minutes to an hour, Isaiah's shunt revisions and replacements took (at the most) two hours, the mace and mitrofinoff took about two to three hours when done at the same time.

But, the length of the surgery isn't what bugs me, it's the risks involved that scare me. See, if this doesn't go perfectly the first time, which I have yet to see a surgery on him that has, the complications could range anywhere from an infection to a ruptured bladder and that last one just doesn't sound nice at all! The last time it was on the table as a possibility, it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, when it was decided against. And now it's like BAM! Right back there again!

Honestly, and I'm sure some Christians out there may be thinking "NO! We don't tell anyone about the hard side of Christianity, b/c it may turn people away!", but it's times like this that make it so hard to believe that God hasn't forgotten Isaiah. Now, some people may turn away thinking that God shouldn't allow things like this to happen, but I refuse to punk out on God just b/c He's not giving me what I want, how I want it and when I want it! You see, this sucks, I am NOT gonna lie to you about that! Ever since having Isaiah, it has felt like an uphill battle, BUT! And that's a HUGE but (*trying not to snicker at that one!*), God has blessed me so much with Isaiah, too! I mean, that little boy has a laugh that I have never heard before in a child, that - ask anyone! - you cannot help but laugh, too! He's got this demeanor of peace that spreads everywhere he goes. He gives these hugs that, even though his arms don't work like everyone elses, makes you feel so loved and like there is nothing better out there than to be lucky enough to be the receiver of this affection!

You see? Just because I am a Christian, doesn't mean that I am immune to tough times and when I hit those tough times, it doesn't mean that God has forgotten me. See, although it sucks while you are going through the tough times, those hardships and the drama are making you a stronger person. They are also giving you an awesome opportunity to show off God's glory, by praising Him all the way through it. I mean, there have been times that I have had to ask my church family to help me keep my hands raised during it, but I can't give up! I know what it was like to walk without God's blessings and His joy. I don't want to go back there again, even if it means that I have to watch my son go through yet another surgery.

Please know that God has never and will never leave you hanging. Even though it may seem like He is nowhere near your situation, He is. Although, it's hard to believe sometimes, I know that, not only is He catching every tear that I cry, He is also crying right along with me, b/c even though I love Isaiah more than I can explain, He loves him a million times more than I ever could. And, like me, He wants the very best, not only for Isaiah, but for me as well.