Sometimes you've got to release!

So, Isaiah threw up yesterday morning and I had to keep him home from school. I know I already wrote some about this yesterday, but it was so hard to watch him... I kept him home to keep an eye on him, something I thought would be a simple, watch him get through this stomach bug, but he didn't throw up again. He didn't get a fever, no diarrhea, no nothing, except the heart wrenching cries and screams that started early yesterday afternoon and continued into this morning.

Lee and I wracked our brains trying to figure out what was wrong. We gave him an enema that didn't produce much.Then, knowing he was in some type of pain, I gave him some tylenol in hopes that he would hopefully get some respite from the pain to sleep. Finally, this morning at 4am, when he woke up screaming again, I made one last attempt, by giving him some infant gas relief. We were at our wits end! Without fever, lethargy, throwing up or diarrhea, nor did his eyes show any inkling that his shunt was malfunctioning, I had no clue what to do. My heart kept breaking with every cry of pain and I couldn't do a thing to help him!

When I figured that there was nothing else I could do to help him, I took him to the hospital. All I could think was that it must be his shunt. After testing and CT scans and X-rays, it turned out that he was simply backed up with constipation. My son is in a massive amount of pain,  b/c I didn't take care of his bowels correctly! I felt (and am still working through the feelings of) like a HORRIBLE mother and, even as I am writing this, he is still crying in pain! How did I not see that he hasn't had a decent bowel movement in who knows how long?!?!

That got me to thinking... (admittedly, just before writing this blog) that there are so many times that we get backed up (sometimes with poop, but in an emotional and spiritual sense ;). We hold on to our drama. We hold on to the anger at the person that cut us off, or the pain of what was said about us, or the fear of trusting, or the self-consciousness of our ever increasing body mass. But unlike me, God is never off His game. He's never so overwhelmed with life that He forgets that we have needs. He's right there with His hands extended to us allowing - no, begging - us to release it to Him. Reaching for us to let it go to Him and lay it at His feet, so that we may live in peace. Our cries and sometimes screams break His heart to no end. He wants to relieve the pain and hurt, but that's where the difference comes. He can't do, nor will He do it, without our permission.