Fire Shut Up In My Bones!

So, I know it's late, but I have felt like crap all day! As a matter of fact, I still do!!! I woke up this morning with these sharp pains in my stomach and couldn't figure out what was wrong. Welp, as the day wore on it was made very clear what was wrong (NO I'm NOT pregnant!), I have been riding the Great White Throne all day!!!!!!!!!! A lot of you may be thinking TMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, think about it... I am at the hospital with my son and I get sick! I don't have TIME to get sick!!!! I have to take care of my son! As if that wasn't bad enough, I got a horrible migraine as well! It just got me thinking about how if there is anything going on with Isaiah, I have to drop everything, b/c of the many things it could be and, like I am finding out, the many things that can get completely messed up from whatever it could be. But, if I don't feel well (heck, I could feel like I am on my death bed!), life just has to go on. I don't have time to make doctor appts for myself, b/c my life became "tentative" when I started having children, especially when I had Isaiah. Anyway, I just had to get that random thought out. Ahhh! I feel better! :o)

So, today we had to take Isaiah to see if his MACE was working properly, b/c unlike me, he hasn't gone pooh in over a week. And I found out that his PICC line didn't clogged up like my husband had said, the yeast infection that is in Isaiah's bloodstream contaminated it. So, they had to take it out. Upon finding that out, I also found out that the shunt revision that was postponed till this Wednesday is going the be postponed yet again, b/c it doesn't make sense to put a new shunt into an infected bloodstream to just have to replace yet again, b/c SHOCKER! It got infected, too! So, we will most likely be getting it put back in at the end of this week or the beginning of the next.

Now, here's the dealio: Isaiah's shunt is draining straight from his head, so the reservoir that it's draining into has to be level with his ear, so as not to drain too much or too little. So, any type of movement that is going to move his head up or down requires that we clamp off the reservoir and then level it again once he's situated. From being here so long and watching what they've been doing, I've become comfortable with clamping and leveling it myself and, in watching me, the nurses told me that I should really go into nursing myself. What's funny is that just last night my parents told me the same thing and I've actually had a ton of people telling me that throughout this year. So, that got me thinking.

It seems like it would be pretty interesting to go into nursing, it would help me take care of Isaiah better, if I am able to work, it would be a pretty good income and I think I would enjoy it. Then, I started digging a little deeper, b/c I have quit school quite a few times and I don't want to just jump into this like all of a sudden things have changed. I realized that what it is is that I want to do something of worth. Now, please understand that I feel that being a wife and mother has GREAT worth and I am not at all downing that or looking for some type of pity or something. What I mean is that I don't want to hide behind my children and act like that's all there is, you know?

You see, I know that God has placed a special purpose in each one of His children's lives, but so many of us (especially parents) will hide behind the blessings He has given us and use that as a crutch not to get out there and make His glory known. For instance, say that God is calling me to nursing. Well, honestly, my first response to just my parents saying it was "I don't have time". I have Isaiah that I have to take care of and who is a handful on his own, but the I also have two other children that I have to take care of and a husband I have to support. There is no way I could take college courses and even if I could, I couldn't do the internship, b/c Richard can't be expected to shift his set work schedule around the time I would need AND EVEN IF HE COULD, I wouldn't be able to work, b/c of the time it would require!

Do you see what I did there? God gives us all a purpose. Yeah, our family is our first ministry, but He didn't say "O.K., I've given Veronica Richard, Isaiah, Isabella and Jeremiah, so she's done." No, there's more that He wants from me and I have to make sure that I don't use the blessings He has given me as a wall to hide behind when He calls me to do more. It might be tough, but man! I know that He's given me Isaiah, so I can minister to other people that have to fight through the struggles of having special needs children! And if that means that I have to juggle my family, school, ministry, whatever to do it, then I had better step out from behind that wall, b/c I want to hear "Well done! My good and faithful servant!"