June 11, 2010

So, what started as a trip to the hospital for a mild fever has turned into 4 operations and another one scheduled for tomorrow. I tell you what, these were operations 22-26 and I STILL can't get used to seeing his little body going through it. It really makes me appreciate his smiles and laughs. It's something that I wish I could freeze time for. To see that smile on his face, even though he just came out of yet another surgery, blesses me more than I can even explain.

But, I have to admit that it's so hard with our family. I miss my husband so much. I called my mom, who is watching Isabella and Jeremiah. She put Jeremiah on the phone and he kept saying Isaiah's name and as soon as I told him Isaiah missed him, he got so excited and started screaming. I don't know how much he understands, but I do know that he misses his big brother. I wish I could just take Isaiah home and at least get a little bit of family time in. I mean, as much time that we spend together, I can't take any of it for granted, you know? B/c I never know when we will be back at the hospital. Think about it, I took him to the hospital on Sunday and we were back home that night. Then, Tuesday I got the kids up to get them ready for the chiropractor and found that his fever went up. So, I took him back to the hospital thinking we would be back home later that night or maybe Wednesday at the latest. Now, I'm finding out that we will definitely be here through the weekend and, depending on the damage that has been done, we could be here much longer.

I think about that and all I can think is; "maybe, we can get away or something someday, so we can spend some time together." But, even that thought is interrupted with the thought that maybe we shouldn't try to take Isaiah anywhere right now, b/c something may happen again. When you have a child with special needs, everything pretty much revolves around them. Not b/c you want to spoil them, but b/c their health can be so iffy that you constantly have to be prepared to rush to the hospital for any little thing.

I can't explain how much I miss Richard right now. Totally random thought, I know, but I think we have been in the hospital more than we have been home this year and it's only the beginning of June. I mean, he can come visit me here, so I can go home and visit with the kids for a while, but I can't really go home to him or go spend real time with him, so it does start to stink after a while.

I could really use a BIG hug from God right now! So, I wonder how He's going to give it to me, b/c He always gives me one when I ask!

That's it for now!